Female Ejaculation
Dry, Dribble or Drastic? To Each Her Own
Yes. It is true. Women can and do ejaculate. Just like men’s ejaculate, this liquid is associated with intense sexual pleasure and comes in varying quantities and with wide-ranging intensity.
The fluid itself is similar to that of male prostastic fluids and as in the case of men, sometimes ejaculation and orgasm occur simultaneously and sometimes they are separate experiences. For some women, ejaculation can be intensely pleasurable and evident, while for others their experience may range from discomfort to indifference. For other women, ejaculation can go unnoticed during sexual intercourse. Each of these experiences is normal and healthy. Our bodies are unique and just as each person reacts differently to the foods we consume, we also respond uniquely to sexual stimuli and touch.
Some women ejaculate easily, others hold back and others have learned to facilitate ejaculation through G-spot stimulation and bearing down with their PC muscles. Despite controversy around the G-spot, it does exist. Its stimulation may not be intensely pleasurable for all women, but the area on the urethral sponge definitely exists and contains erectile tissue that can be a source of sexual pleasure.
Many women hold back their ejaculate by tensing their PC muscles out of fear that they may spray urine during sex. If this concerns you, consider emptying your bladder before sex play.
And bear in mind that ejaculation it not a sideshow trick. If it happens, it happens. If not, no worries! Enjoy your body’s sexual response and rest assured that there are no “better” or “authentic” orgasms. You define your own sexual pleasure however you might experience it.
If you want to experiment with ejaculation, tone your PC muscles through daily Kegel exercises. During sex, try stimulating the G-spot by reaching into your vagina and feeling the ridge-like area on the upper vaginal wall. If you become aroused and are nearing orgasm, try bearing down or pushing out your PC muscles and see what happens. Some women describe their ejaculation as a small dribble and others squirt more powerfully.
For many women, intercourse does not offer enough sexual stimulation to produce orgasm or ejaculation, so try it out on your own first to learn to recognize this aspect of your sexual response. If you are concerned about urinating, you will likely tense up and avoid bearing down, so try to let yourself go and place a towel beneath you if you are worried about the mess.
I receive many inquiries about female ejaculation and have been reluctant to write about it, because I do not want to add to the pressure that women (and men) already experience in the bedroom. So let me reiterate that all sex should exclude pressure. Great lovers focus on sensations and feelings as opposed to goals and performance.
If you experiment with G-spot stimulation and do not enjoy it or never experience ejaculation, that is just fine. Appreciate the time you have taken to learn about your body and your unique likes and dislikes. Orgasms feel great with or without ejaculation.
Have fun and always practice safer sex.
More About Hand Jobs: Part I from Woman.ca
This post is intended for readers over the age of 18.
Hand jobs are not just for teenagers. Though I’ve written about the art of sensuous touch in the past, each time I visit Desire Resort and Spa, I pick up a few new tricks from the very adventurous and experienced couples who attend my workshops. I thought I’d post a few thoughts on how to make the most of lending a hand in the bedroom, at the theatre or under the restaurant table. (Please abide by local laws.)
As always, I’ll preface this posting by reminding readers that every guy is different (even if they all seem the same), so there are no sure-fire ways to bring him to the heights ecstasy. All I can offer are a few techniques to get you started. You can practice on a carrot or other vegetable, but don’t get too hung up on technique. I always tell my workshops participants to do what feels good for them as opposed to focusing on my instructions. If you “screw up” and twist to the left instead of the right, don’t worry about it – the penis will still like it.
Consider beginning your sensuous hand job with a nice slow pace. Though our first instinct may be to grab a tight hold of a penis as soon as it begins to stir, a huge part of sexual enjoyment is in the build-up. By taking time to explore the entire body, we draw the blood to the surface and can promote full-body orgasms. And though the penis does love to get some hands-on, mouth-on, tongue-on, breasts-on (you get the picture) attention, good things come to dicks who wait.
So if you have a few extra minutes, take some time to explore his erogenous zones from head to toe. Touch, kiss, blow, caress, rub and grind your body all over his and pay attention to his response to identify his hot spots. You can return to these spots right before or during orgasm to intensify the sensation. You might consider caressing his body from head to crotch and then from foot to crotch while gently brushing against his good stuff with your breasts, hair or fingers as you get him riled up.
Once you’re ready to get down to business, you might begin by gently fluttering your fingers over his inner thighs, scrotum and penis. Use lots and lots lube for hand jobs. This is probably the most important piece of advice I can offer. If you blindfold him and use lots of lube and varied pressure, he should not be able to discern whether you are using your hands, mouth or vagina to pleasure his member.
I describe some starter techniques below, but you can play with them to make them your own:
The Firestarter – Lube up both palms and gently rub them over the shaft of the penis as though you are warming your hands over the fire. Lube is essential to this technique, so be generous in your application. Breathe gently on his lubricated shaft to produce a tingling sensation.
The Basic Grip – Use your non-dominant hand to grip the base of the penis by forming a tight okay sign using your index finger and thumb. This can function like a cock ring to trap blood in the penis and intensify sensation. Use the other lubricated hand to stroke up and down the shaft and apply pressure to the ridge and the frenulum.
The Other Woman – This is the backhand grip. Turn your dominant hand upside down as though you are signalling a thumbs-down sign. Stroke up and down the shaft to offer a varied sensation from the traditional grip.
The Multi-Tasker – Use one hand to perform the Basic Grip and the other hand to firmly rub up and down the bottom half of his shaft using lots of lube. If he doesn’t like being gripped at the base, use your other hand to massage his testicles and perineum. Wrap your well-lubricated lips tightly around his coronal ridge and twist in a circular motion with your mouth as you apply pressure to the ridge. (I know this post was supposed to cover manual stimulation, but hand-jobs and blow-jobs don’t have to be mutually exclusive.)
Check back for Part II in which we’ll cover The Basket Weave, The Twist and Shout and The I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vagina.
Have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex!
Sex and the CAT
Make Her Purr With Pleasure
If you’ve done a bit of research, you’ve likely caught on to the message that experimenting with a wide range of sexual play is the key to great sex, as most women don’t orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse alone. However, this doesn’t mean that orgasms during intercourse are out of the question. In fact, orgasms that combine penetration with clitoral stimulation can be intensely satisfying for all parties involved.
One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility.
The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone. This is how the CAT breaks down:
- The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top while he inserts his penis into the vagina.
- He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
- Traditionally, the CAT involves the woman wrapping her feet around his calves as they rock and rub against one another as opposed to thrusting.
- Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension. This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.
Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!
Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down. You may already be doing this or have discovered it by accident.
If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).
And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!
Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.
Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.
Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!
What is a Sexologist?
I’m a sexologist. I study sex: what people do and how they feel about it. It’s a tough job, but someone has got to do it.
At cocktail parties people are intrigued by my profession and I’m flooded with questions:
How did I get into sexology?
I started as a sexual health peer counsellor in undergrad and realized how much we all have to learn about sex.
Am I really into sex?
Oh yes.
Do I work with people with sexual dysfunctions?
Sometimes. But others with already-great sex lives come to sexologists for healthy enrichment strategies.
What’s it like to hear about people’s most personal secrets?
It’s fun, exciting, interesting and natural. Most importantly, it’s an ongoing learning process and I think I provide a valuable (and rare) outlet for discussing the vital subject of sex.
Does my husband know he’s a lucky guy?
Heck yeah. And I’m lucky too.
But what people really want to talk about are their own sex lives. They want reassurance that the things they do are normal. I can generally offer the universal comfort that yes – they are normal. The scope of what people do sexually is so broad that almost everything falls within the range of normal. From new acquaintances I quickly hear about open marriages, fantasies, spanking, group sex, bondage, anal play, sex work, whipping, exhibitionism and any other sexual practice you can dream up. These are all common activities and so long as they exclude manipulation and force and involve honesty, respect and equality I support the right to choose.
But what do I do as a sexologist?
I teach, counsel, consult and disseminate sex-positive information. Some of this information is health related and some of my work focuses on pleasure.
Right now I am developing experiential workshops on oral sex, manual sex and orgasm intensification that I’ll be hosting at Desire Resort and Spa in the Mayan Riviera. I am also working on a sexual health telephone information line for the city of Fort McMurray, Alberta. Other workshops/classes I host include childhood sexuality, personal sexual enrichment, sexual exercises, sex and aging and female sexual empowerment.
The roster of my workshops keeps growing and I’m loving my work in sexological consulting.
Thanks for visiting my blog and please check back often for updates, tips, techniques, rants, advice and thoughts on the exciting world of sex.