Part II of Giving Him a Hand from Woman.ca
This post is intended for readers over the age of 18.
If you missed the first installment, click here to check it out. As always, I’ll remind readers that no two penises are the same, so play with these techniques to find something that makes your dick(s) happy. Sometimes a quickie hand-job under the table does the trick and other times a slow, teasing build-up can produce the most intense orgasmic experience.
As promised, here are a few more moves to get you started and/or finish you off:
The Other Woman
This one is fun and simple. Simply use a backhand grip instead of the traditional forehand to try new sensations. Begin with your palm facing away and move your thumb into a thumbs-down position before gripping the base and sliding up and down and around and around.
The Twist and Shout
This one is broken down into steps, but fear not – the written description sounds a lot more complicated than the real thing.
- Apply lots of lube to your hand.
- Begin with the Other-Woman grip with your palm facing away from you and your thumb pointing down. (See above.)
- Firmly grasp the shaft at the base and slide up toward the head; your palm should still face away from you.
- When you reach the head, twist your hand around the head and over the top so that your palm ends facing you and you’re still gripping the penis from the far side. Pay attention to the ridge and frenulum as you perform the twist, as these areas can be highly sensitive.
- Slide down the other side of the penis.
- With just a tiny bit of practice, this will become a fluid motion and you can alternate hands to maintain constant contact. You may want to try this one on a dildo/vegetable first to get the hang of it.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vagina:
Use two very lubricated hands to wrap your interlaced fingers around his entire shaft. Squeeze gently as you move both hands up and down the shaft and pulse as you reach the coronal ridge. A tight and wet grip should ensure that your partner will be unable to discern whether you are using your mouth, hands or other bodily parts to pleasure his member.
Have fun, keep an open mind and always practice safer sex.
More About Hand Jobs: Part I from Woman.ca
This post is intended for readers over the age of 18.
Hand jobs are not just for teenagers. Though I’ve written about the art of sensuous touch in the past, each time I visit Desire Resort and Spa, I pick up a few new tricks from the very adventurous and experienced couples who attend my workshops. I thought I’d post a few thoughts on how to make the most of lending a hand in the bedroom, at the theatre or under the restaurant table. (Please abide by local laws.)
As always, I’ll preface this posting by reminding readers that every guy is different (even if they all seem the same), so there are no sure-fire ways to bring him to the heights ecstasy. All I can offer are a few techniques to get you started. You can practice on a carrot or other vegetable, but don’t get too hung up on technique. I always tell my workshops participants to do what feels good for them as opposed to focusing on my instructions. If you “screw up” and twist to the left instead of the right, don’t worry about it – the penis will still like it.
Consider beginning your sensuous hand job with a nice slow pace. Though our first instinct may be to grab a tight hold of a penis as soon as it begins to stir, a huge part of sexual enjoyment is in the build-up. By taking time to explore the entire body, we draw the blood to the surface and can promote full-body orgasms. And though the penis does love to get some hands-on, mouth-on, tongue-on, breasts-on (you get the picture) attention, good things come to dicks who wait.
So if you have a few extra minutes, take some time to explore his erogenous zones from head to toe. Touch, kiss, blow, caress, rub and grind your body all over his and pay attention to his response to identify his hot spots. You can return to these spots right before or during orgasm to intensify the sensation. You might consider caressing his body from head to crotch and then from foot to crotch while gently brushing against his good stuff with your breasts, hair or fingers as you get him riled up.
Once you’re ready to get down to business, you might begin by gently fluttering your fingers over his inner thighs, scrotum and penis. Use lots and lots lube for hand jobs. This is probably the most important piece of advice I can offer. If you blindfold him and use lots of lube and varied pressure, he should not be able to discern whether you are using your hands, mouth or vagina to pleasure his member.
I describe some starter techniques below, but you can play with them to make them your own:
The Firestarter – Lube up both palms and gently rub them over the shaft of the penis as though you are warming your hands over the fire. Lube is essential to this technique, so be generous in your application. Breathe gently on his lubricated shaft to produce a tingling sensation.
The Basic Grip – Use your non-dominant hand to grip the base of the penis by forming a tight okay sign using your index finger and thumb. This can function like a cock ring to trap blood in the penis and intensify sensation. Use the other lubricated hand to stroke up and down the shaft and apply pressure to the ridge and the frenulum.
The Other Woman – This is the backhand grip. Turn your dominant hand upside down as though you are signalling a thumbs-down sign. Stroke up and down the shaft to offer a varied sensation from the traditional grip.
The Multi-Tasker – Use one hand to perform the Basic Grip and the other hand to firmly rub up and down the bottom half of his shaft using lots of lube. If he doesn’t like being gripped at the base, use your other hand to massage his testicles and perineum. Wrap your well-lubricated lips tightly around his coronal ridge and twist in a circular motion with your mouth as you apply pressure to the ridge. (I know this post was supposed to cover manual stimulation, but hand-jobs and blow-jobs don’t have to be mutually exclusive.)
Check back for Part II in which we’ll cover The Basket Weave, The Twist and Shout and The I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vagina.
Have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex!
Have Better Sex With Condoms
Research out of the UK indicates that more women are opting to use condoms as their primary method of contraception. This is great news! Not only do condoms reduce the risk of unplanned pregnancies, but they also offer significant protection against HIV and sexually transmitted infections.
But condoms are not only important in terms of safety. They also enhance pleasure! Men who wear condoms can benefit from slightly harder, larger erections. Condoms can function like a cock-ring to constrict blood and trap it inside the penile shaft and keep it firm. Accordingly, they can also help men to last longer (in an erect state) during a hot and heavy sex session, which works out well for those guys who have partners who may take longer to finish off. This also benefits men who often experience intensified orgasmic response with prolonged sex play. For those looking for a little more stimulation, you can put a bit of water-based lube in the tip of the condom to enhance sensation.
Condoms can also increase sexual enjoyment for women, as they now come with a variety of options including ribbing, bumps and other features designed for pleasure. Some even come with a vibrating ring that can strengthen both the male and female sexual response and there are lots of fun ways to put on a condom. Using your mouth to place it on the tip of the penis and your tongue and lips to roll it down the shaft is not only super sexy, but also very easy to do. If you feel intimidated at first, try it out on a carrot or dildo. The women at my workshops are always surprised at the ease with which they are able to perform this sensual technique. And don’t think you need to come up for air as soon as the rubber has made its way down the rod. While you’re down there, feel free to explore a little and have some fun.
When using condoms, be sure to use lots of water-based lube to reduce friction and intensify pleasure. I love Aqualaria’s eco-friendly, organic brand that is produced in Canada. Lubricant is another sexy and safer part of sex that can be used and applied in an infinite number of fun and erotic ways. Try lubing up his manhood with your hands, mouth, breasts or face and see where the exploration leads you. Take turns at this and let him apply lube to all of your erogenous zones using creative parts of his body. Be creative, experiment and always practice safer sex.
For questions or story suggestions, please email info@jessicaoreilly.com
Sex and the CAT
Make Her Purr With Pleasure
If you’ve done a bit of research, you’ve likely caught on to the message that experimenting with a wide range of sexual play is the key to great sex, as most women don’t orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse alone. However, this doesn’t mean that orgasms during intercourse are out of the question. In fact, orgasms that combine penetration with clitoral stimulation can be intensely satisfying for all parties involved.
One approach to orgasm-inducing intercourse involves the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This positioning and movement can provide a woman with both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, stimulate a man’s shaft and prostatic nerves and does not require any challenging gymnastic moves or flexibility.
The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone. This is how the CAT breaks down:
- The woman lies on her back and the man lies on top while he inserts his penis into the vagina.
- He then shifts his body upwards along hers (he can rest his hands/arms beside her head) so that the base of his penis and pelvic bone press firmly against her clitoral hood and pelvic bone.
- Traditionally, the CAT involves the woman wrapping her feet around his calves as they rock and rub against one another as opposed to thrusting.
- Some women find intensified pleasure in squeezing their legs together during the CAT to create greater friction and tension. This squeezing sensation can also intensify the male partner’s pleasure.
Sound technical? It’s really quite simple and feels a lot better than it looks on paper. Don’t take my word for it. Try it out for yourself!
Once you’ve got the hang of rubbing the clitoral hood and female pelvic bone against the hard base of the penis and/or male pelvic bone during intercourse, you can modify the CAT into a range of other positions on your side or even upside down. You may already be doing this or have discovered it by accident.
If the CAT doesn’t make you tingle with passion, don’t feel the need to give up on intercourse entirely. No singular approach to pleasure works for every woman, but if you keep experimenting, you’ll find your triggers. Play with running water, vibrating toys, fingers, tongues and fantasy until you find your toes curling with pleasure beneath the sheets (or on the hood of the car as the case may be).
And ladies and gents, please don’t ignore all your other beautiful erogenous zones: the brain, breasts, thighs, backs of knees, feet, palms, neck, ears, belly, bum and more!
Some women can orgasm through fantasy alone and others can reach the heights of ecstasy with a little breast play. Others swear by anal stimulation, while some find sharing of far-fetched fantasies incomparable as a means to orgasmic release.
Combine any of these activities to find what works for you. With the right attitude and a healthy sense of humour, you should enjoy both the process and the end result.
Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex!
An Orgasm A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
Britain Champions The Sexual Rights of Teens
Britain’s National Health Service (NHS) is taking a new approach to sexual health education and highlighting the universal right to orgasms. A new leaflet entitled, “Pleasure” is being distributed to educators, youth service workers and parents to encourage the reframing of sex as a healthy part of human development and relationships.
The NHS educational campaign carries the slogan, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away” and addresses the rights of youth to enjoyable, healthy sex lives. It also recommends masturbation or sex as part of a healthy lifestyle alongside exercise and a balanced diet. A few of the well-documented health benefits of sex include reduced stress, pain and anxiety, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and improved immunity.
Though reactions to this controversial approach have been mixed, a celebration of sexuality alongside accurate information about safer sex just might address many of the sexual issues faced by both teens and adults due to the overwhelmingly conflicting and negative messages about sex. Reframing sex (single or partnered) as a component of a healthy lifestyle challenges social stigmas around youth sexuality and realistically reflects the fact that sex does a body good.
Sex For Sale
Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience Is All Business
Sex is a commodity. It can be bought and sold like any other product and is subject to the complexities and volatilities of the free market economy. Steven Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience, explores the obvious relationship between sex and economic trade through a glimpse into a few days in the life of Chelsea, a high-end New York call girl.
Chelsea (played by porn-star Sasha Grey) is an independent business woman for whom sex is only one element of her trade. Though she does exchange sex for money, she spends the better part of her time branding herself with designer fashions, marketing her website with search-engine optimization, documenting her transactions and managing her finances according to the advice of her more connected clientele.
Those who know little about sex work often accuse workers of selling their bodies — Chelsea sells an experience. Transactions with clients appear like any other movie-made date scene with dinner, wine, awkward silences, snuggling and a superficial discussion of current affairs. But The Girlfriend Experience, despite Grey’s professionally-earned, genuine sex appeal, lacks the sexiness and glam of your typical film. The transactional element of sex strips away the potential for the perfect Hollywood experience and reveals the uncomfortable realities of clammy hands, religiously-dictated inhibitions and the impact of practical stresses on the (not-so) sexual experience.
The challenge of maintaining boundaries between personal and professional is intensified in a field that draws upon the most fundamental of personal needs. However, it is Sasha’s live-in boyfriend, Chris, who really struggles to define such boundaries in his work as a personal trainer. Though all subtlety is lost in the obvious disparity between Chris’ hard selling of himself and Chelsea’s dispassionate approach, Soderbergh effectively normalizes the sale of sex by a woman in an otherwise committed relationship and realistically highlights her motivation for selling sex: money.
For those anticipating a soft-core version of Grey’s previous work, disappointment awaits. Like real-life sex work, The Girlfriend Experience is more about an entrepreneur’s struggle to survive during an economic downtown than hedonistic pleasure. Admirably, Soderbergh not only avoids having Chelsea meet a tragic downfall or a gallant rescue, but also resists the temptation to frame her as an empowering hero. Like real-life women who sell sex, she is a multi-dimensional woman, salesperson, capitalist, daughter, lover and friend.
Does Size Matter?
I don’t have a penis and I’ve never wanted one. As a woman, I’m subject to impossible pressures with regard to my physical makeup, but I can’t even begin to fathom the anxieties associated with penis size. While it may not factor heavily along the path to enlightenment and it doesn’t seem to matter to most women, men are socialized to obsess about the size of their penises. Joking, bragging, worrying, strategic shaving, lying and measuring are common symptoms of this cultural fixation that reduces men to the size of their members.
Studies of men who worry that their penises are too small overwhelmingly indicate that their anxieties are unfounded. They often underestimate their own size or overestimate perceptions of normal penis size. More importantly, they miscalculate the degree to which their sexual partners desire a larger penis. Research indicates that 85 percent of women are happy with their partner’s penis size in comparison to only 55 percent of men who report satisfaction with their own size.
Studies that have attempted to determine and reproduce estimations for average penis size have resulted in a mixed bag of results due to challenges of methodology. Who should do the measuring? What measurement instrument is most reliable? Where should the measurement begin? What position should the penis take during measurement? Despite these limitations, a review of over fifty studies suggests that the average length of an erect penis is approximately 5.5 inches. Self-measurements tend to be higher than those conducted by researchers.
While some men are “show-ers” and have larger flaccid penises that expand proportionally less when erect, others are considered “growers” who have smaller flaccid penises that grow much larger during erection. There is a much wider range in flaccid penis size making it an unreliable predictor of its full length during erection.
But does size matter? From a sexological perspective, penis size has very little impact on the sexual pleasure of the penis-bearer or his partner. For men having vaginal sex with women, the shape and size of the vagina do not require large objects of insertion for pleasure and a well placed penis, finger, dildo or other object can produce far more pleasure than an oversized rod. In a relaxed state, the vagina is a short potential space with walls that gently touch and close together and the richest nerve endings are located near the opening. The g-spot, which can produce intense response and orgasm for some women, can generally be stimulated by any object of two inches in length. However, vaginas also come in different sizes, so it may be a matter of finding the perfect fit.
More importantly, the clitoris, that wonderful pleasure organ through which most women achieve orgasm, is not located in the vagina. A penis, finger, feather, tongue or lips can easily access the clit without spanning the eight inch porn-standard. Many women who love sex can attest to the fact that penetration, particularly with a larger object, is way overrated.
A larger penis is definitely not preferable for anal sex, as the anal canal is short and the sphincter muscles are rich in nerve endings that can be intensely stimulated regardless of size. For those having anal sex with men, the prostate (the male pleasure organ) is easily accessible within a few inches of the anal opening, so a penis or finger of just a few inches in length will more than do the trick to massage this sweet spot.
Women are not unaffected by our cultural obsession with big penises. We too have been socialized to associate the penis with virility, but we’re neither envious (thanks anyway Freud) nor reverent of the member itself. Most women who have sex with penises want partners who are attentive and know how to use their entire bodies as sources of pleasure as opposed to limiting their efforts to the penis itself.
There is no denying that our cultural linkage of masculinity with phallic mass has created a framework in which size matters; however, its significance is primarily unrelated to sexual pleasure and more closely tied with gendered notions of performance and differentiation. Yes. Size matters insofar as masculinity is associated with displays of power, but its impact on sex is as diminutively significant as other forms of male exhibition like fast cars or a padded bank roll.
Penis size may matter if one’s only modus operandi involves penetrative, thrusting sex; however, if this is the unfortunate case, another eight inches would do nothing to compensate for what’s lacking in skill and creativity. Size may affect one’s subjective arousal (what happens in our heads), but is less important to the physiological reactions that occur between our legs and (hopefully) beyond.