Would you like a little spanking?

BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain. B stands for bondage, D stands for dominance and/or discipline, S stands for sadism (pleasure associated with inflicting pain) and/or submission and M stands for masochism (pleasure associated with receiving pain). Sometimes the terms are grouped together in pairs with BD referring to bondage and discipline, DS standing for dominance and submission, and SM referring to sado-masochism.

While BDSM encompasses a wide range of sexual activities, practitioners tend to play complementary roles that involve some degree of power differentials. However, activities are underscored by the consent of all parties involved and BDSM can be a part of healthy, normal and safer sex play.

Playing out sexual fantasies can be a great way to explore new role-play identities and it is not uncommon for powerful and dominant people to enjoy being submissive during sex play. The desire to engage in elements of BDSM play like pain infliction or humiliation during erotic play in no way implies the desire to partake in these activities in other situations. That is, you can be a feminist who loves being sexually dominated by male partners and you can be a gentle, loving friend who enjoys inflicting pain on consensual sex partners. The complexity of these roles, however, requires a strong degree of communication to negotiate the parameters of activities in which you are willing to engage.

Sometimes referred to as scenes or sessions, physical BDSM activities may involve the use of hot wax, leather, massage oil, ropes, gags, leashes, suction cups and even fire. Psychological elements may involve punishment, praise, love, control or humiliation all of which are discussed in advance of each scene. The possibilities are endless – but consent, communication and respect are absolutely necessary to reduce risk and promote pleasure.

While the thought of studded collars, whips, chains and torture poles may conjure up images of violence and danger (supported by sensationalist media portrayals), the reality is that practitioners take many measures to practice safer sex. Pre-play negotiations, educational workshops, the designation of a “safe word”, post-play debriefings alongside the usual (and necessary) use of barrier methods for safer sex are just a few of the precautionary measures that make BDSM sex safer and pleasurable.

But this is really just the beginning…if you are interested in exploring BDSM, begin by checking out this pamphlet or online resource, enrol in a local workshop and be sure to talk to your partner about your interests and discuss your boundaries. All sex play (not just BDSM) should involve honest negotiations and discussion in advance of any physical contact – this is an important component of safer sex and is particularly important to address the potential physical and psychological outcomes associated with BDSM.

Until next time, have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex!

Welcome to  Alphabet Soup – with a twist! In this special edition of Let’s Talk About Sex, we’ll be going through the alphabet to learn the ABC’s of sex. Check back regularly for alphabetical updates that promise to make the English language a lot more exciting.

A is for A-Spot

Most of you have probably heard of the G-Spot, but the A-Spot is another exciting zone that can produce intense sexual pleasure as well as rapid lubrication and contractions in some women. Also known as the AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous) zone, this area of sensitivity is located at the deepest point of the vagina on the upper (anterior)  wall where it begins to curve upwards.

According to Malaysian researcher, Dr. Chua Chee Ann, who is credited with “discovering” the A-Spot, this sensitive area is located beyond the G-Spot just above the cervix. (The cervix is the narrow lower part of the uterus that protrudes into the vagina appearing as a circular or tube-like structure.) Check out the super-awesome Beautiful Cervix Project to learn more about what the cervix looks like.

How to find and stimulate the A-Spot: Dr. Chua’s research suggests that stimulation of the A-Spot can result in increased lubrication in women who experience vaginal dryness. He suggests inserting a clean, lubricated finger (trim those nails first!) into the vagina along the upper wall and reaching to the deepest point. While you’re in there, you can also move your fingers around to locate your cervix, which may feel round, rubbery and a bit firmer than the rest of the vagina.

Once you reach the deepest point of the vagina just above the cervix, Dr. Chua advises clients to continue stroking and applying pressure on this spongy area until you begin to lubricate. Then move your finger in an in-and-out motion along the upper wall including the G-Spot according to what feels good for you. Some women experience greater lubrication and more consistent arousal after stimulating this area for 5-10 minutes each day for at least a week. Though Dr. Chua claims that stimulation of the A-Spot can result in instant sexual arousal despite subjective feelings (stress, boredom, relationship troubles, etc.), I caution clients to use physical techniques like this one in conjunction with activities that promote relaxation, intimacy and improved communication. No physical technique alone can “solve” relationship issues or replace the power of  honest, open communication.

If you don’t find the A-Spot on your first try or if you do not experience pleasure or arousal, don’t worry – there are plenty of other hot spots on the wondrous female body and you still get an A for effort.  (Sorry! I couldn’t resist that one.) As always, bear in mind that every woman is different and just because the A-spot is a hot zone for some women, this does not guarantee that all women will enjoy direct stimulation. In fact, some women find pressure on or around the cervix uncomfortable, so communication is of utmost importance when experimenting with partnered sex play. I advise clients to explore their bodies on their own before involving a partner, as becoming master of your own domain can lead to better sexual experiences when you do decide to partner up.

Though the A-Spot is located at the back of the vagina, a long penis is not necessary to stimulate this area, as the average vaginal canal is quite short and even an index finger can be used to reach the AFE zone. While vaginal size varies greatly from woman to woman, a recent study found that the average length of the vagina is less than 3 inches. Couples can also play with different positions to access this responsive area, but should bear in mind that most women do not orgasm consistently from penetration or intercourse alone. Stay tuned for more information on how different sex positions can create diverse sensations and stimulate various areas of the genital region in an upcoming post and feel free to reread previous posts on how to touch a woman for a quickie refresher.

Until next time, have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex!

www.jessicaoreilly.com

Welcome to  Alphabet Soup – with a twist! In this special edition of Let’s Talk About Sex, we’ll be going through the alphabet to learn the ABC’s of sex. Check back regularly for alphabetical updates that promise to make the English language a lot more exciting.

And please send me your suggestions of what I should include in Alphabet Soup.

A is for A Spot!

Most of you have probably heard of the G-Spot, but the A-Spot is another exciting zone that can produce intense sexual pleasure as well as rapid lubrication and contractions in some women. Also known as the AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous) zone, this area of sensitivity is located at the deepest point of the…Click here to read more.

B is for BDSM.

BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain. B stands for bondage, D stands for dominance and/or discipline, S stands for sadism (pleasure associated with inflicting pain) and/or submission and M stands for masochism (pleasure associated with receiving pain). Sometimes the terms are grouped together in pairs…Click here to read more.

More coming soon…

If you just read the profit-driven headlines that combine the sensationalism of sex with the precariousness of the teenage years, you might believe that there is an indisputable causal link between teens being sexually active and earning lower grades.

Not so says the latest research. Those teens who have sex in the context of “romantic” relationships achieve similar academic outcomes as those who abstain from sex altogether. The researchers suggest that romantic partners may play a supportive role and help ease stress and anxiety. Bearing in mind that definitions of self-reported sexual abstinence can be highly subjective, the results can be viewed as encouraging in that they reject the inaccurate notion that teenage sex is inherently linked to poor academic performance.

However encouraging these results may be, they still privilege one type of sex (so-called romantic sex in the context of a committed relationship) over others. Once again, each person’s definitions of hook-ups, romance and casual sex are different which likely represents one of the study’s limitations alongside small numbers of respondents in certain relationship categories. Nonetheless, the reminder that sex doesn’t make teens want to dropout of school offers yet another nail-in-the-coffin in support of much-needed and effective comprehensive sex education programs.

And while the headlines may misleadingly suggest that casual sex leads to poor school performance, we are fortunate enough to engage with critical readers and researchers who offer the reminder that correlation does not imply causation.

Click below for CNN’s coverage of the research study.

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What is an orgasm?

What does it feel like?

What is the “right” way to orgasm?

What is a porn-gasm?

What body parts are involved in an orgasm?

Enjoy!

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Plans for a new brothel staffed by male sex workers are underway guided by ex-politician, Pam Corkery.

Many people ask whether enough women need to pay for sex in order for the female brothel to survive. But paying for sex is often more about options than necessity. Many people who choose to pay for sex do not need to pay for sex, but opt to do so.

Take Don Draper for example. Apparently reactions to the new Mad Men season include the criticism that sexy and philandering Draper is just too hot and powerful to pay for sex. As Cory Silverberg points out, Draper and his real-life counterparts don’t necessarily need to pay for it, but choose to do so despite having many other sexual options.

It will be interesting to see how the story unfolds in New Zealand…

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Click here to view the video and scroll to third segment for Jessica’s guest appearance.

Click on the thumbnails below to view recent television, radio and print interviews with Jessica or contact us for press bookings.

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